Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did I show you my penis last night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
