Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
