three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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