I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
