does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
