You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
