woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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