I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Don't you send me to vm
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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