What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
