so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
