Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
