My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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