You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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