How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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