she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
