it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
