If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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