Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
