it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
