if i can run in heels then i can drive
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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