I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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