btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
