I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
