Only a mothe r could love this liver
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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