My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and she was petting her beer can
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
