Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The uberlube is also flammable
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize