How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
