OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
