Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
