I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
too bad you live with your parents still
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
