Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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