sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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