I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
