Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
