Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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