I wish my penis had an off switch
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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