We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize