Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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