Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
