i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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