Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
