turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
