Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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