if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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