first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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