the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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