Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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