she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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