i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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