Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
