I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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