he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
