I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
