Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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