I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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