Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
