The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
