She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
