Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
