I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I want is dick and wine.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize