i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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