i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
