Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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