I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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