there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
